Monday, September 6, 2010

Procrastination



I have some climbing I need to do - figurative rather than literal.

When it comes right down to it, I'm just putting it off.

If I don't get it done then I won't find out that I've failed. I've embedded myself in other pastimes that are more fun, less demanding and let me be comfortable.

Is it the voice that whispers, "I'm not good enough?", right behind my ear? A chance question or overhead comments on my lack can set that refrain cycling overtime. Tears in my eyes, embarrassing. The lie I'm believing - that I need to be good at everything - that I am God.

No. It's just that I'm putting off wrestling with the monster (externalise it, turn it into a battle). I need to grit my teeth. I need to gird my loins. I need to pull my finger out. Otherwise, in a year or two's time, I'll be sitting here in front of this screen, writing incidentals, reflecting on the life I'm too mealy-mouthed to get on with.

Go on. It just needs to be done.

1 comment:

redletterbelievers said...

wrestling with the monster...we all have those. Glad you can look it in the eye!