Monday, August 23, 2010

Paper thin

There is a space between having-it-together and my dignity leaking out all over the pavement. Some days the distance narrows to a millimetre. Tears leak out of ducts, beckoned by a word. Angry words escape too easily, before my teeth spring shut the trap.

I am the one who creates inconvenience, work and pain for others. My face burns red when I realise that my apology will not salve the hurt I have caused. I owe, and hate to be in debt.

My tongue hesitates to speak my inadequacy and tiredness. Speaking it is such a relief. Cleansing confession.

My fractured, translucent shell protects me. I am stretched to feel its fragility. At any unexpected moment it slips, cracks. I expect to disintegrate.

Insignificant. Superfluous. I do not hold myself together. I cannot lend myself integrity or integration.

Remember who holds me together. I hide in his presence - source of integrity and integration...

How great is the goodness
you have stored up for those who fear you...
You hide them in the shelter of your presence,
safe from those who conspire against them...
far from accusing tongues.
Psalm 31:19-20.

Some days we feel crushed. By the incidental side-swipe, by the massive blow. Remember who is close, remember who gently scoops us into his encompassing embrace.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted;
he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.
Psalm 34:18

Thanks for...
ever-present shelter
rescue for crushed spirits
the source of integrity and integration
paper-thin dignity held together by divine grace
the ultimate hope of weakness buried and resurrection in glory

Our bodies are buried in brokenness, but they will be raised in glory. They are buried in weakness, but they will be raised in strength. 1 Corinthians 15:43.

the discipline of thankfulness...

holy experience

1 comment:

-t- said...

Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

John 16:33
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

May you continue to trust, rest, and 'be' in Him alone.