Sunday, April 18, 2010

Midnight Cleaning

Midnight. Saturday Night. The motivation to scrub the toilet bowl is somehow based on shame. My in-laws are visiting after church, tomorrow.

What a faker!!!

I don't mind that my family see my poor hygeine standards, but I must save face before my husbands' mum and sisters. And lately, the more I try to look organised and be hospitable, the worse I am doing.

I am agonising about this.

It is uncomfortable that these people know my failings, my disorganisation. I so want to be the one who has it all together. It is easier to talk about failing, here as I write, than it is to imagine what others think of me as they sit in my house.

As I consider my reactions and shame, it just points me to the pride and conceit that drives me. I find myself confession-blogging.

photo from stock.xchng (no, this is not my toilet - it looks cleaner than mine.)

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