There is a heart and mind broken-ness that separates him from the world. He searches for help where he knows he'll get rejected. In desperation. His, mine, ours.
He cannot still himself to listen because the terror is so loud. And then he hurts himself so that someone will listen to him.
His anger (someone calls it spite) stumbles me today. On facebook, my "inner bird doesn't feel like chirping". And I lightly turn from disappointment, return to love and tight-gripped welcome home hugs.
But he sits, enveloped. The anger, disappointment, rejection, fear and alone-ness. He cannot escape. Only numb and blame and rage.
If he could collect himself. If he could turn to God in desperation. Would this be his prayer?
My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?
Why are you so far away when I groan for help?Every day I call to you, my God, but you do not answer.
Every night you hear my voice, but I find no relief. (Psalm 22:1-2)
Would he find himself here?
But I am a worm and not a man.
I am scorned and despised by all!
Everyone who sees me mocks me. (Psalm 22:6-7)
Extreme tortured pleas are answered. If they are made. But what of the one who does not know to make them. Are they instinctive?
Who can bring the lightning flashing in his deep, dark night?
lightning at night