A brief allusion to purpose, something more than the material and this life in the flesh, and the conversation has already moved on...
Then today was a day of choices, decisions and expressing opinions. A day of doubting my judgement, feeling inadequate, a deep anxiety that keeps thoughts ticking over, and over. Did I say enough? Did I get it right? Who am I to question, to change the plan?
I can't trust myself. I know, too well, my blindnesses, the gaps in my knowledge, my tendency to rush in and reconsider later. The times I speak quickly with passion then wonder if I've stepped on breakables.
Responsibility, wisdom and thoughtfulness are qualities I aspire to. But where does reliance on self become a symptom of pride or self-idolatry? Does my anxiety about getting it right spring from a desire to serve well or am I just self-obsessed?
Admit that the buck stopping with me, completely, is wearying and heavily burdensome.
photos from stockxchng.