Tuesday, June 8, 2010


Chronic feelings of emptiness...

Persistently unstable sense of self...

We find out who we are, in relationship. Babies gradually learn that their mother is not just an extension of themselves. Children look into their parents' eyes and the 'gleam' they see there is a little reflection.

Gradually our 'self' gets defined edges. I know what I am not...

The space between me and another is alive with expectancy, with unspoken and voiced messages, with understanding, curiousity and the unknown. A strange mixture of clarity and cloudy obscurity. Do we ever really know another?

Between the defined edges, our very being, our soul. A unique arrangement of ideas, gut instincts, rationalities and unexplainables. Shaped in DNA but scored and sculpted by life as we see, hear, taste, touch and smell it. A very you-ness or me-ness, unmistakable and ready for discovery.

The meanderings of existence bring glimpses into the self. For some, this process brings maturation through challenge and the experience of nurturing relationships. Others search avidly but cannot find the ones to give their care and guidance.

Sometimes nurture fails, in its task to shape nature. The self remains mysterious, unknowable, a chasing after the mist.

And yet there is hope...

There is one who knows us not in fleeting glimpses, not as uncontainable mist. The God who knit our bodies also knows our souls. He sees us face to face, spirit to spirit, no need for shame at our naked brokenness. We can look into his eyes and the reflected gleam tells us deeply who we are.

We are people formed for relationship. With him and with each other.
People drawn into his kingdom by his son.
People who can participate in his nature and know his compassion. Sometimes, but briefly, now. One day wholeheartedly.
People dependent on his grace and touched by his holiness.

Today I ponder thanks for,

715.  love which helps me know myself
716.  hope for healing from human failure
717.  human love which kept me safe and helped me grow in childhood
718.  human love reflecting god
719.  opportunities to learn
720.  wisdom from others
721.  a one year old standing cheekily in the high chair, crowing
722.  a four-year old swinging from a place he shouldn't
723.  freshly clippered heads
724.  rats tails
725.  chocolate self-saucing pudding
726.  finding a favourite blanket
727.  having a dishwasher

holy experience
This made me think today...
"The bible will never be a living book to us until we are convinced that God is articulate in his universe."  A.W. Tozer

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