Being proper

Sometimes we believe the lie.

We think that there is a proper way, a right way to live this life.  Everywhere I turn are opinions about what I should be doing, how I should be looking, what I should be believing, how I should be thinking. Rules, opinions, have-tos wherever I live.

And it wears me down.

Don't misunderstand me. I still think that there are wise and foolish, right and wrong things we can do. I still think that there are virtues we aspire to and that character is important.

But my life does not have to look like yours. Or hers, or theirs.

And my life is certainly not going to be perfect.

I've been thinking about depression and the expectations we put on ourselves. Or the image of the good woman we try to live up to, the good mother, the good wife, the good friend...

And I think about my mum telling me that she was not "a proper mother", because she couldn't dare to believe that she, in her lovely, encouraging self-discovery, was sufficient and good enough.

What is a proper mother? Can you be one and get tired or worn or discouraged or frightened? Can you be one and not feel all those things? Do you hold it all together so tightly because the thought of not being "proper" or "good" just utterly breaks you?

The desire to do good can be a law that binds me and a rock bound tied to my ankles dragging me down.

But the story of resurrection transforms this...

It allows grace and mercy to transform this sinking rock-law into the freedom of a spirit-touched life. 

I am no longer living in my own effort but depending on God to help me live "good and proper".

And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death. Romans 8:2