Cha-ordic (aka Paradox #1)

I heard this word today in a podcast sermon from Mars Hill Bible Church and have decided to take it up and use it. Rob Bell used it to describe how the church should be.

It is a combination of the words chaotic and orderly, and I am interpreting it as the positive aspects of both concepts combined. That there is the spontaneity, flexibility and freedom of chaos with the predictability, safety/boundaries and solidness of order.

I like the balace of it as an idea and the paradoxical flavour of it. I am beginning to hatch/gestate an idea of a series of posts about paradox and dialectics. More about that when I do bit more research and thinking.

Jesus' Last Words

We are doing a series in Sunday School about things Jesus said the night before he died. I don't think it will be exhaustive or the last word on last words. I hope it gives the kids a picture of the great promises and encouragements that Jesus gave his disciples and his church.

So far we have spent time thinking about...

"Your lord and teacher has washed your feet, you should do the same for each other." 

"I am going to prepare a place for you, and I will come and get you." 

 As I read through John 14-17 I keep coming up with so much hope for what is to come. Despite Jesus knowing the anguish that lay ahead of him he was able to teach and comfort his friends. Of course there was also a sense of urgency about his teaching, because he knew what was about to happen. Yet he was able to be so clear-sighted in what he said to them, despite their inability to understand what he was pointing out. It would be easy to say how slow they are to 'get it', except that I know how often I don't understand what is happening around me until it has well and truly occurred. I am able to read Jesus' words in the light of the next few days, (and years), which put John 14-17 into perspective.

Jesus' promise to prepare a place for me, has made me wonder what life would be like without the hope that I will one day be in heaven with Jesus. What if the life of 'quiet desperation' most people lead was all we had? D. H Lawrence said that heaven was just a carrot to get poor people to put up with their poverty here in this life. The promise that Jesus is talking about and the glimpses of heaven we get in the bible are much more than that, though.

One day I will live in a place where everything goes right, where there is no danger, where I am perfectly understood and where I perfectly understand - no more confusion, loss, half-heartedness, mind-changing or disappointment. I will never have to watch the news with disgust or horror souring my mouth again. I won't have to wonder about the safety of someone I see in the street or at work. I won't have to feel helpless watching people's lives that seem so difficult to change. 

I love the beautiful pictures of a city, with a river flowing through it, with God in the midst of it, life and love abounding. The city is peaceful, yet filled with people and praise. I have my place in it, as do each of God's people. Thinking about that future helps me put this world in its right place. It cannot defeat me and, more importantly, it cannot overshadow God and his plans.

This Sunday,

“I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me."

Restoration

Just read some interesting reflections about being stressed and tired and needing to give time to restoring activities. See http://hippocampusextensions.com/karen/fill_the_well/

The restoring activity I need at the moment is to spend time reading the bible and being challenged to live more saltily. It has become too easy to just drift along and my faith make no difference to how I live. I am busy and I do get tired but I think this saps my strength to the point where I don't even care about the eternal trajectory of the lives around me. Sometimes I struggle to even pray faithfully for my own family.

Putting on a good spiritual face with Christians I have known for a long time is hypocritical and I don't outright bluff and lie. However, I make little additions to the truth of my lasitude, prayerlessness and barrenness, so that they do not see how broken I am and how much I need the mercy of my Father.

I really want the answer to be easy and not to have to change. I want a transformed life with as little effort as possible. I want to be able to carry out all the projects and ideas in my mind, but there just is not time or energy to commit to them all. I need to prioritise and choose but I allow circumstance and laziness to choose for me. It is easier to sit and watch an hour of Brothers and Sisters than to spend an hour praying or talking with my husband in order to encourage him.

I stop to see where I am and how life is progressing. Usually, it is so easy to skim quickly over what I see, so that I do not get too self-critical or discouraged. But sometimes I need to really be honest in my appraisal when I look in the mirror. 

I do believe that there is a time to be gracious to myself and not to be too hard or critical. But if true graciousness is possible, then there is also a time to acknowledge my deep, deep flaws and failures. Not doing it so that someone can hear or see, then reach out and reassure me, but so that I can know how much I need help, how much I need God and his spirit in me.

Only then can I begin to be restored.

The May Experiment

Well, today is the last day of May, and unless I post twice today, then I have not quite made my ten posts for this month. I am happy to say that I think I've made more of an effort at blogging, and that the experiment has been helpful. Some incentive, or challenge was needed to get me going, obviously. I still think that the main purpose for this blog is to make some of my thoughts/ruminations more real by recording them. I censor myself greatly and to some degree that is necessary. I don't think I should risk exposing others to every thought which crosses my consciousness and I'm pretty sure that I have many thoughts which are not worth recording for posterity.

One of the really great things about being a more diligent blogger has been all the interesting people I've spotted on the net. None are famous, some are people who I've known, met or been in the general orbit of over the years. Some blog anonymously but I've been able to guess who they might be. I have been able to clarify some of the things I appreciate in a good blog. I enjoy lucidity and eloquence, humourous anecdotes, attempts to tackle big ideas and concerns, generous acceptance of human struggles and mistakes, tempered by a desire to be transformed and mature. I continue to be amazed by the minds and hearts of others as they discuss their lives.

I've learnt some things about people which may be a little too much information, but I think I'm starting to see that in the great variegation of humanity, there are some remarkably common themes.

• I think we all hunger for significance and meaning in our lives. 
• Even the most adventurous of us need a little safety and security to be happy. 
• We all need to matter to someone and be connected to others - whether our family is a blood one or a friendship based one it is such a deep anchor for our identity.
• People get fired up when they see injustice - seeing justice done and people respected, is important to us.
• Laughter brings a bond and understanding between people and being able to laugh at oneself is both freeing and healing.

We all like to encounter other people's opinions about things that matter to us - relationships, losses, spirituality/meaning, integrity, how to love people well. Even if we disagree with them at least that is a place to start an interraction.

I will keep trying to blog, not least because it is part of my recent efforts to be more self-reflective, to listen more and to sharpen my spiritual life. I hope I can live out this verse from the bible more and more...

 And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Philippians chapter 4, verse 8.

I'd like to hear what you think...

What did I do today?

It seems to be easier to write about the things that are going on in my head. I would like to have some amusing or witty anecdotes about my life, but somehow they don't seem to stick in my brain long enough to be here when I sit down at the computer. I've just read a really funny story about a girl who went white water rafting in Zambia, and lost her pants the first time she got into the water. She spent the next twelve hours in her G-string, adventuring down a river. ( I would love to give a link to the post, and acknowledge her but know diddly-squat about how to do that - all I know is that it was also posted on a recent blog-of-note, http://tovadarling.blogspot.com/)

If you would like to imagine what I was doing today - picture this. I am walking home from the local soccer field in the drizzling rain. My umbrella shelters me and the almost-4-month-old baby strapped to my chest. I have two more boys trailing behind me who are eating their sausage sizzle purchases as they follow. We made it home reasonably dry and with cold feet. We made it past the corner shop without buying lollies or footy tazo chips (some may call it a miracle) and had surprisingly little protest about it. It rained most of the afternoon, and there was more 'screen-time' had by kids than would usually be allowed at our place - Play Station and the kitsch 60s Batman movie. Most of the things I should have got done today are not done. If only I could keep the whole house tidy at once (Do I really wish that, or is it just what I think a 'good' mother should say?)

Sometimes it would be fantastic to be white-water-rafting, but I do love my life. I'm just not sure that its very interesting, to anyone other than the people in it.

Intersubjectivity

My rudimentary understanding of the concept is that it refers to the space between 2 people, the relationship or the interraction between them. 

Learning about therapy has been pretty challenging as I sit with my client/patient (depending on what your particular discipline calls her). On one level I am remaining attentive, listening to the content of what she is saying. On another level, I am listening to the themes which arise and linking patterns for future reference. Then my eye must keep attentive to time (note to self - suggest wall clocks for MH centre at LH! Serruptitious watch glances take too much effort!). Then I am also trying to weigh responses to what I say - was that a disjunction or an elaboration? How can I stop and talk about that - bring attention to the intersubjectivity?

At this stage, my brain is overloaded and amidst it all I'm trying to behave naturally and comfortably. Thankfully, the person I sit with and practice all these skills with is also someone who has allowed me to know her and her life intimately. For 4 years we have sat weekly and talked together about life's struggles, stresses and surprising strengths. What we have is friendship and understanding - they lie within a strict frame and boundary - we do not interract outside our weekly sessions, we are not buddies.

The mind is an amazing instrument. So precise and able to multi-task in a complex way. Personal, individual, trainable and focussed. Open to the vagaries of relationship, with marvellous plasticity. Sometimes the language is complex but the reality is simple.

People are made for relationship, made in the image of a complex and relational god. Made to listen and to be together, to grow together and to move through life, hopefully maturing and strengthening. We both learn and grow in this 'therapy' and I hope I begin to get my 'intersubjectivity antennae' working.

Mothers' Day Present 2009

I received a fantastic gift for Mothers' Day this year. I actually started to make a present suggestion to DJ before the big day and he stopped me saying, "It's all taken care of". The two older kids had been shopping at the school Mothers' Day stall and my daughter couldn't resist telling me that it would be so exciting when I could wear my present, because it was very beautiful.

My 3 year old and 3 month old went out and bought me an ipod. It has been fantastic and I've been listening to a number of podcasts lately. I am really looking forward to having more opportunities to feed my souland mind by listening to interesting stories and sermons from all over the world.

So, thanks to my lovely family for a great present.